


Writing's On the Wall

by NemesisGray



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Referenced Child Abuse, implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:14:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23454619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NemesisGray/pseuds/NemesisGray
Summary: title taken from the Sam Smith song from "Spectre"
Relationships: Female Trooper & Male Imperial Agent, Female Trooper/Aric Jorgan, Female Trooper/Torian Cadera
Comments: 23
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from the Sam Smith song from "Spectre"

“Cadet Ordo!”

Rin snapped to attention before heading towards the Headmaster’s office.

“Sir!” She saluted smartly, standing in front of the massive wooden desk gazing at the academy’s Headmaster.

“Ordo.” The Headmaster, Colonel Hughes, narrowed her eyes and studied Rin.

Rin Ordo is what Hughes would’ve described as pretty in an offhand way if a bit unusual looking. 

Ordo was piebald, porcelain patches on her raven-colored fur. The most noticeable patch being over her right eye, over her right cheek, down some of her jaw to disappear into her hairline. Her right ear was raven. There was even a two-tone patch on her forehead. An obsidian patch took up most of her forehead, but where the porcelain patch over her right eye was concerned, the color patch there was hazelwood. Even her mane was two-tone. Mostly crow with a massive chunk of alabaster mane on the right side of her head. 

Ordo was big-boned and short, almost too short, not the ideal body for military let alone Special Forces. But she’d shown excellent prowess, lightning-fast reflexes, and an uncanny sense of knowing where the enemy was going to be. 

After all, being an excellent soldier was not a beauty contest as Colonel Hughes herself was aware.

But Cadet Ordo’s eyes were probably the strangest, most disconcerting part of her. She suffered from a genetic trait called heterochromia. Which was a desirable trait by Cathar standards but not in the colors the cadet possessed. Left eye silver, right eye lavender. 

The unusual eye colors combined with the strange fur pattern was enough to make Ordo stand out. 

It was the reason Ordo was being assigned to Havoc instead of the SIS. She stood out too much. Everybody remembered her.

Shaking her head, dispelling her thoughts, Colonel Hughes studied her fellow Cathar. “Isn’t that a Mandalorian Clan name?”

“Is it?” Rin asked, feigning confusion, the look in her mismatched eyes suspect.

“Yes, it is.” Colonel Hughes frowned but elected to ignore Rin’s borderline insubordination.

That was the true problem with Cadet Ordo, the younger woman was always borderline insubordinate, enough to realize one was being disrespected, not enough to warrant disciplinary action.

“Weird.” Rin waited patiently for her assignment.

“Assigned to Havoc Squad. You’ll rendezvous with them on Ord Mantell.” Hughes stamped Ordo’s file and handed it over to the cadet.

“Sir, a question-” Rin started.

“No, there are no male Cathar in the squad. Probably the only SpecForces unit that doesn’t have one.” Hughes didn’t allow Rin to finish her question. “Dismissed Ordo.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” Rin saluted again before walking away.

Colonel Hughes watched the newly appointed Sergeant Rin Ordo walk away. Two thoughts occurred to her as the younger Cathar left the office. Why did Rin request not to work with male Cathar? And was there more white fur than when Ordo started the academy?

A beep from her datapad caused her to shake her head. It wasn’t important.

“Blase!” Colonel Hughes shouted at the next name on her list, absently wondering why the list wasn’t in alphabetical order. Really, who ran this academy? Jawas?

#

Haron Tavus often thought the Brass was purposely trying to make his life miserable but now he was sure of it.

A new member. Right in the middle of an op. Just what he needed. A green, fresh from the academy soldier that would be constantly underfoot, in need of handholding.

He couldn’t believe the Brass would do this to him. Bastards.

“Everybody listen up!” He shouted to be heard above the din in the command center. He waited until the noise died down. “Havoc is getting a new addition. A Sergeant,” he checked his datapad for accuracy, “Rin Ordo.” He did a double take of the last name. “Gearbox,” he pointed an idle finger at the hulking man, ignoring Sergeant Ordo’s last name for the moment, “you’re picking her up. Make sure she arrives safely.” He and Gearbox shared a look. Tavus read over the datapad, double checking if he needed to say anything else, he didn’t, “Dismissed.” He waved for his fellow soldiers to get back to work.

The noise resumed quickly.

“Commander Tavus, did you say Ordo?” Lieutenant Aric Jorgan asked, brow furrowed.

“Yes, I did.” Tavus almost liked Aric. Almost. The black Cathar was a great soldier if a hardass.

“Is there a holo or a still of our newest recruit?” This from Needles.

Tavus looked through the file. “Nope. Says she doesn’t like to have her likeness taken or recorded.” He shrugged. “The Republic can’t force her unless she’s a wanted criminal.”

Aric suppressed a growl. Ordo sounded familiar. Too familiar. 

“Isn’t Ordo a Mandalorian Clan name?’ This from Fuse who, for once, didn’t stumble on his words.

And it clicked in everybody’s mind. Clan Ordo. Mandalorian.

“Yes, yes, it is.” Wraith, the XO of Havoc shared an indiscernible look with Tavus.

“At least it’ll be interesting.” Needles smirked, enjoying the drama already.

Aric felt bile rising in his throat. A Mandalorian thought she could join the Republic military?

Aric hated Sergeant Ordo, sight unseen.

#

Rin paused right outside the command center, brain seizing in fear. There was a male Cathar in the room. She’d been informed Havoc had no male Cathar members.

She closed her eyes, body frozen in panic. It was just a mission to get the bomb. Havoc would get the bomb and move on. The male Cathar was probably a grunt stationed at the Fort. She wouldn’t have to interact with him if she didn’t want to. There were loads of paper pushing grunts.

Her fear beaten by logic, she stepped into the room, doffing her helmet. 

“I’m looking for a Commander Tavus?” She asked a random soldier, ignoring the way her nose twitched as the scent of virile male Cathar hit her senses.

If she could scent him this strongly, then he could scent her. 

She would not check to see if there was a male Cathar. And she definitely wouldn’t check if he was staring at her. 

Once again, she stamped down her panic, her fear.

Just grunt. The male Cathar was probably just a grunt.

She’d been assured Havoc didn’t have a male Cathar in the squad. She’d researched it herself. No male Cathar. Three human males, one being a cyborg, a female Mirialan, and a male Zabrak. No male Cathar.

“Uh.” The soldier blinked down at Rin, captivated by her eyes a full two seconds before he jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

“Thanks.” Rin inwardly sighed. Her eyes. She knew they were arresting if only because of them being mismatched. “Commander Tavus?” She asked the man pointed out to her, one of the human males.

“Sergeant Ordo?” Tavus’ mouth fell open in shock. Rin Ordo was a Cathar? 

Rin saluted. “Yes, Sir. Reporting for duty.”

Tavus blinked a few more minutes before turning to the group of people he’d been conversing with. “I’d like everybody to meet Sergeant Ordo.” Tavus recovered quickly, covering his shock with enthusiasm.

“A pleasure to meet all of you.” Rin’s smile didn’t reach her eyes; her smiles rarely did.

The three people gathered blinked a few times, also shocked, before nodding and greeting her.

“And, I have one last introduction to make.” Tavus coughed, shooting a glare at Needles, the medic was trying to shuffle closer to Rin. “This way, Sergeant.” Tavus guided Rin a few feet away, to the terminal Aric always worked at. “This is Lieutenant Aric Jorgan.” Tavus coughed again already seeing Aric glaring intently at the sergeant. “Since we’re on separate missions, Lieutenant Jorgan makes sure we’re all coordinated. Jorgan, this is Havoc’s newest member, Sergeant Ordo.”

Immediately, Aric’s demeanor changed. His body stiffened, his lip curled back in a silent growl, anger flashed in his eyes.

But only Rin noticed the minute changes. 

She stiffened, her mind screeching in fear, that she quickly repressed. She would not show fear. “Lieutenant Jorgan.” She saluted as befitting a superior officer, noting his very black fur; she didn’t bother meeting his eyes, she wasn’t brave enough.

Aric’s eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring, nose twitching. He was both stupefied and livid. Rin Ordo, the Mandalorian with the audacity to join the Republic military was a Cathar.


	2. Chapter 2

Rin and Aric got off to a horrendous start from the moment of eye contact. 

He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was an intensity to her eyes when she was looking at him. A wariness. He couldn’t place it, but she was hyper aware of every move he made, every tick of his facial muscles, every intonation of his voice. And she would react. 

She wasn’t as vigilant with the others in the command center. Nor was she vigilant with others of her squad. Even Needles she gave a cursory look before dismissing the medic from her mind. But Aric. She always knew where he was, and she would move when he did. 

She never stood too close, nor too far away. Her voice was always respectful. Always. Even when Aric was growling at her, he fully expected her to snap, her eyes to flash, something.

She never did. Her body curved in on itself. Not enough for anybody else to notice, but Aric did.

He always noticed.

Yes, Rin Ordo treated Aric differently than she treated everybody else and his distrust grew.

#

“Great! Bellis is KIA. That’s some fine work, Ordo.” Aric growled at Rin’s helmeted face over the holo. “Do you think you could’ve taken a little longer to get to the RV point?”

“Apologies, Lieutenant Jorgan.” Rin’s voice was borderline docile.

Aric saw her body curve in on itself again. Sniffing, he ignored the motion. “Not good enough, Ordo.” Her body curved in more. “However,” his eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out why Rin was curving in on herself, “there is a chance you might be able to find out what Bellis learned.”

Rin nodded.

“If he followed procedure, Bellis should’ve left a coded recording of his discovery in his field box, hidden somewhere inside his home in Talloran.” Aric glowered as Rin nodded again. “Remember: if the separatists know Bellis was a spy, they may already be searching his house or waiting to ambush Republic agents as they come. Stay alert.”

“Understood, sir.”

“You have to get that field box from Bellis’ house before the separatists do. Double-time it!” he barked.

“Yes, sir.” Rin saluted.

“Jorgan out.” Aric cut the call.

He noticed she flinched when he raised his voice as he ended the call.

#

_She had to be dreaming._

_An ear-splitting scream had her head whipping around to stare behind her._

_She remembered this day._

_There would be pirates coming around the corner any second now._

_This was the last time she would ever see her little brother again._

_This was her last day of freedom._

_“Reel!” she gasped, like she always did, her feet finally running down the corridor. “REEL!”_

_“Ryn!” Reel screeched somewhere in the distance._

_“Reel!” She took a corner too fast, banging into the metal crates lining the wall of the ship, dislocating her shoulder. “Reel?”_

_Panting, she finally made it to the never-ending hallway. And stopped dead in her tracks._

_Reel has a blaster against his temple._

_“Let him go.” Her voice trembled, glaring at the pirates._

_The pirates laughed. “Why should we?”_

_She felt her body trembling, meeting her little brother’s gaze, she saw him nod. “This is why.”_

_She lifted a crate and sent it flying at the group of pirates._

_She honestly didn’t remember much after that. The crate crashed into the pirates, distracting them long enough she was able to pull Reel to her._

_Grasping his hand tightly, she started running. She had to get to an escape pod._

_She ran, dragging Reel behind her, eventually carrying him in her arms, ignoring the throbbing pain of her dislocated shoulder. She had to protect him._

_Finally, finally, the escape pods were in sight._

_“Here!” she shouted, running up, passing her brother to the waiting arms of a random passenger._

_Reaching an arm up, she started climbing into the pod when all she felt was pain._

_“NO!” Reel’s panicked voice then the popping noise that signified an escape pod disengaging from a ship._

#

Gasping, Rin flailed at the blankets, suffocating as panic gripped her.

Shredding the blankets, she rolled off her cot, onto all fours, breath heaving as she came back to reality.

“That karking dream.” She hissed to herself, punching the floor, the sting of her skin cracking, the trickle of blood over her knuckles reminding her the past was the past.

Her eyes darted frantically around her room; glad she didn’t have a roommate.

She pushed herself into a kneeling position, dropping bits of fabric still clutched in her hands.

She shredded the sheets again. Another disciplinary action. 

Why did they insist on giving her sheets? She requested no sheets.

Sighing, she rubbed the back of her neck and checked to see what time it was.

Three in the morning. She fell asleep at midnight. Three hours of sleep.

A new record.

But why?

Normally, she was just a shitty sleeper but a renewed nightmare she hadn’t had in years.

Why did she have that nightmare? That nightmare out of all the nightmares her subconscious could choose from, why that one?

The day she lost her little brother. 

She clenched and unclenched her hands, her fingers sliding against her sweaty palms. Closing her eyes, she counted to one hundred in every language she knew. Huttese, Catharese, Bothese, Sy Bisti, Minnisiat, Sith, Twi’leki, Shyriiwook, Xaczik, Thykaran, Rishii.

Over and over.

Over and over until her heart rate calmed and she was able to think of anything other than her little brother and pirates.

Opening her eyes, she knew what set off the nightmare.

Aric Jorgan.

The mission to Taloran Village.

Bellis. His body lying just like her father’s in the hallway outside their room on the transport.

No amount of Force could’ve saved her father.

And then Aric’s growling disapproval in her ears, the way he growled in displeasure when she came back into the command center. Just like Ahy did whenever she displeased him.

Memories of Ahy towering over her, his hand yanking her head back hard enough to almost snap her neck, caused her to cry out and punched the floor again, tears coursing down her cheeks.

NO!

Aric Jorgan wasn’t Ahy.

Rin Ordo was not going to hate Jorgan.

It didn’t matter how much he hated her. Didn’t matter how much he reminded her of the worst moments in her life, that his anger forced a shiver of fear, dread, terror, anxiety, and panic down her spine to pool in the pit of her stomach. 

It didn’t matter.

“He’s not like them,” she whispered to herself. “He’s not them. He’s different. He has to be different.” She wasn’t going to cry.

Aric Jorgan was different. She had to convince herself of that. She wasn’t going to be afraid of Aric Jorgan.


	3. Chapter 3

Aric heard his holo ringing. Growling, his eyes popping open he wondered who’d dare call him at - a quick glance to the bedside chrono- zero three hundred hours.

“Jorgan.” He growled again as he answered.

“Lieutenant Jorgan, this is Lieutenant Garth, I have a request.”

Aric blinked at the Twi’lek over the other end of the holo. She was one of the people in charge of communications. “What might I do for Communications, Lieutenant?”

She jerked her chin, a small smile twisting her lips, pleased that somebody remembered. “An Officer Sulan mentioned one of your subordinates helped us with a possible leak the other day. Looking through her file, I learned she knows several languages.”

“Which subordinate?” Aric sat up, running a hand over his face.

“A Sergeant Ordo,” Garth checked her datapad. “She is fluent in several languages and we need her to translate something for us.”

Aric narrowed his eyes. “Sergeant Ordo?”

“Yes. She is one of your subordinates, is she not?” Lieutenant Garth arched a brow.

Aric thought about it. Technically, Ordo was under his purview. “You realize I have to be with her for this, correct?” He really wanted more than three hours of sleep.

The Twi’lek nodded. “Yes, Lieutenant, that’s why I called you.”

Sighing again, kissing his sleep goodbye, Aric nodded. “I’ll collect Sergeant Ordo and be at the communications office in thirty.”

Lieutenant Garth nodded her head, her long lekku falling over her shoulders in her enthusiasm. “Understood!”

Aric ended the call. Groaning, he scratched his chest, too late in realizing that he’d been shirtless the entire holo call.

Rolling his eyes, he stood and got dressed. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to fellow soldiers seeing him in various forms of undress.

#

Rin’s knuckles were bleeding again, both hands this time. She’d gotten angry again halfway through a set of clapping push-ups. She wondered if her knuckles were broken or just bleeding. It didn’t matter.

A knock on her door had her tensing for a second. She’d been silent in her anger. There was no way she could’ve woken her neighbors. The only sounds she’d made were subvocal growls and she wasn’t rooming next to any species who could pick that up.

Another knock sounded.

Body unfreezing, she leveraged herself up, cautiously approaching her door. Was this some sort of hazing? It would not end well for the people on the other side of the door if it was.

“Ordo, open up!” Aric Jorgan’s annoyed voice hissed from the other side of the door.

Rin froze again. Why was he here? Why was he at her room at three fifteen in the morning?

Trepidatious, she opened the door, her eyes glued to his chest, her hands hidden behind her back. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

Aric stared down at the top of Rin’s head, really noting the way she had an alabaster streak in her mane; it went from her right temple, twisting all the way into the bun at the crown of her head. In fact, he noted all the white she had on her body which he could see due to her current attire, military issued workout tank top and grey military issued shorts. He was thankful she wasn’t one of the soldiers that slept naked; he hated waking those soldiers, they seemed to take perverse pleasure in opening the door naked, Rin was at least wearing clothes.

Her right foot was splotchy with porcelain patches, her thumb, middle finger, and ring finger on her right hand were porcelain, her collarbones were also porcelain, a splotch on her left shoulder, what he called speckles of porcelain fur across her abdomen and left hip where her shirt rode up, what he could see of her legs, her right thigh was almost completely porcelain, and her left calf was freckled with porcelain fur. He couldn't see her back.

Brow furrowing as to why Rin was so splotchy, his eyes met her blank face. She wasn’t looking him in the face. She never looked him in the face.

“Why do I scent pancakes, Ordo?” His gaze flicked into the room, where he noticed the bedsheets were shredded. His eyes narrowed. “Would you like to explain to me why your sheets are shredded?”

She took in a deep breath, silent as she seemed to think up a suitable answer. “I shredded the sheets in my sleep. I requested no sheets, sir, but Housing must’ve lost my request. I accept all disciplinary actions due to my carelessness.” She squared her shoulders, her gaze on the wall behind Aric’s shoulder.

Aric frowned; something was off about her explanation. She spoke the truth, but not the whole truth, she was hiding something. “You requested no sheets and Housing gave you sheets?”

“Yes, sir, that is correct, sir.”

“Why would you think you’d be the one to get punished?” He really wanted to know. Was she covering for an assignation? He took a tentative whiff; only picking up the scent of Rin and pancakes. There was nobody else in her room.

“I shredded sheets, sir. I destroyed Republic property, sir.” 

Aric clicked his tongue, pulling out his datapad, searching through all the requests sent to Housing. It was a few seconds later that he found her request. It was stamped and filed properly by the person in charge of Housing.

“You’re not going to be punished, Ordo, this isn’t your fault. It’s Housing’s.” Aric frowned. “I’ll make sure Housing doesn’t punish you.”

“Sir?”

He looked up to see Rin’s mismatched eyes searching his face. He read confusion, wariness, and apprehension in her gaze.

He furrowed his brow again. “You won’t be punished for Housing’s kark up, Ordo.”

“Yes, sir.” Rin lowered her gaze. “Thank you, sir.”

Aric frowned. “Get dressed, Communications has requested your aid.”

“Yes, sir.” Rin saluted and turned smartly on her heel.

Aric frowned at her retreating back.

Why hadn’t she closed the door?

“I will be but a moment, sir.” She tiptoed around her own room, feet padding softly, barely making a noise as she gathered a uniform and headed into the refresher. 

Aric spent an awkward moment leaning against the wall just outside and to the right of her door, reading his datapad. Or feigning to anyway. He kept stealing glances at Rin’s room, trying to find the source of the pancake scent, which was now fading since she went into the refresher.

Rin’s room had nothing in it that wasn’t military issue. There were no projections, no artwork, no posters, no trinkets, not even a sock or shirt out of place. It was stark. Depressing, his mind supplied.

It also didn't make any sense, Ordo had been on Ord Mantell for two weeks now. Long enough for her to have decorated in some way. He understood that Havoc Squad was more nomadic, always going where needed, the Deadeyes were the same way. But Aric during his time with the Deadeyes carried a projector of his family so that wherever the Deadeyes went, he had a symbol of family and love. 

Tavus had a pocket chrono that held a picture of a smiling woman holding a child. It wasn’t as if Havoc didn’t allow such mementos. 

“I’m ready, sir.” Rin demurred.

Aric turned his gaze back to her. She was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and standard issued pants. 

“Let’s go.” Aric turned and started walking down the hall, going slowly so she had time to close and lock her room.

The two of them walked in silence, Rin trailing behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

“If you don’t like it, swallow a grenade, do us all a favor.” Rin’s smile was mostly teeth.

That was not the right thing to say and she knew it. She just didn’t care.

Virk did a sorry excuse for a growl before lunging at her, fist pulled back to punch her.

Rin didn’t dodge the punch aimed for her face, but she did dodge the kick aimed for her stomach because she was already bent to tackle Virk to the ground. Cackling madly, Rin blocked Virk’s punches, ignoring the kicks from his two friends.

“Freak!” Virk spat in her face, his hands wrapping around her throat, a lackey’s hand sliding into her mane, yanking her head back.

Time slowed. A memory surfacing of another Zabrak, another part of the galaxy. The Academy. An Overseer’s hand in her mane just like the lackey’s, a pair of hands around her throat from the other Zabrak. It didn’t matter that the other Zabrak had been Dathomirian.

Not right now.

All she knew was that right now somebody was trying to kill her, and she wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction.

What self-control Rin had, snapped.

Snarling, her hands reached out, grasping two of Virk’s horns before snapping them off. Virk’s squeal of pain had her laughing but his grip on her neck loosened.

This is what Ahy taught her. This is what the Academy taught her.

To win. Let the monster loose, free the beast within.

This is what Ahy turned her into. A monster.

One of Virk’s lackeys kicked her in the back of her head, the lackey whose hand was still in her mane yanked her head back and she felt her neck crack unpleasantly. Not enough to break her neck but enough to give discomfort to anybody but her.

Growling, she pulled back a fist and punched Virk’s face hard enough she heard the bones in his face shatter.

Virk started howling.

Snarling, her hands wrapped around the wrist of the hand still in her mane, yanking the offending appendage from her mane, before shattering the wrist and forearm.

The lackey started screaming.

Rin turned mad eyes to the last accomplice. She growled, launching herself at the lackey that kicked her in the back of the head, fist connecting with his face. The squelching sound making her smirk in cruel joy.

She wouldn’t kill her attackers.

She wasn’t that far gone into madness.

Rin spat out a globule of blood and knelt next to Virk.

“If you ever come at me again. I will kill you. You’re not the only one that can make a murder look like an accident.” She hissed in his ear. “You stay away from Farn. You stay away from every soldier in this fort. You take your punishment and you suck it up. Or,” she prodded the base of one of his broken horns, “you kill yourself. Those are your only options.”

Flashing a feral smile, she straightened.

It was only now, after the fact that panic and shame began to set in.

Her eyes shot towards the entrance to the command center.

Soon people would hear the noises emanating from Virk over the sounds of the terminals and various other sounds of the armor cams and mics of the other soldiers involved in the search for the bomb. They’d come and investigate. They’d see her standing over his body.

Now, she still wore her body cam, they’d see that he and his friends attacked her first. That wasn’t why she was worried.

No. Her face was covered in blood and already she felt her skin knitting back together. Already she scented pancakes.

She needed to clean herself up. Rub bacta, kolto, whatever on her face. Hide her lack of injuries behind patches.

Lie. Always lie.

Hide what kind of monster she was behind the veneer of hurt.

Try not to let them see they had a beast on their hands.

Hissing at Virk one last time she bolted down the hallway and into the locker room, heading straight towards the showers, shucking off her bloodstained armor, tears running down her cheeks, mingling with the blood as shame at her actions finally overtook her panic.

She’d shower in bacta.

That would hide the pancake scent.

It could never wash away the monster that she was. 

Nothing could ever hide that.

  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Aric stopped himself mid-growl, the flinching face of Rin Ordo stopping him.

Not only did she flinch. But she lifted her arms subconsciously as if to ward off a hit.

Aric would never hit somebody outside of sparring or combat. Unless the person deserved it. And Sergeant Rin Ordo did not deserve to be hit.

Didn’t she realize he wasn’t angry at her?

That he was growling because of the footage from her armor cam?

Sighing, he watched as she curved in on herself, her eyes darting fearfully about the room.

“Ordo, are you certain your injuries are healed enough for you to go out in the field?” The savage attack from Virk and his cronies was the day before.

But here she stood, unmarred and perfectly healthy. Only her cowering, her flinching, her reacting so negatively to his growls gave him pause. 

Maybe she was too traumatized to go out in the field. Maybe he should put her on desk duty, put off her mission to get the medpacks from the scavengers.

After all, there was no reason for her to be flinching away from him, to have such a visceral reaction to his growls as he watched the footage.

“Lieutenant Dorant gave me a full bill of health, sir,” Rin spoke softly, her eyes on her feet.

Aric frowned. Something wasn’t right.

She may be fine physically but mentally? Emotionally? She couldn’t be. Not if her actions the day before were any indication.

She fought to defend herself. But she fought with such a feral ferocity that Aric wondered about her past.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked kindly.

She nodded. “Yes, Lieutenant Jorgan. I’m fine.”

“If you aren’t, you can’t do your job properly.” he pointed out.

“I’m fine. Sir.” A little pause, a defiant jut of her jaw that lasted for a second.

He studied her through narrowed eyes. He had to trust her and Needles, despite not liking the idea. “Very well, Ordo. Carry on with your mission.” Aric stood slowly.

“Thank you, sir.” Rin saluted.

As he walked around his desk to get to the door, he noticed how Rin shrank away from him. “Don’t just stand there, Ordo. Get to work!” He spoke sharply but quietly.

Rin flinched and scurried past him.

Aric frowned after her. 


	6. Chapter 6

Rin knelt staring into space. Her entire squad was traitors. Traitors.

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

What kind of complete banthashit was that?

Wraith’s rifle dug into the back of Rin’s head and she disassociated for a full second wondering if her body would heal itself from a blaster bolt to the back of the head.

#

Aric felt a freezing numbness infuse his entire body.

Havoc was defecting.

Over stupid bureaucracy.

As the coldness seeped into his body. So did anger.

A livid type of anger that bled into hatred so intense he felt his body shaking.

Tavus. Wraith. Needles. Fuse. Gearbox.

Traitors.

All of them.

#

Aric could barely contain his rage.

Havoc defected and he was demoted.

While Rin was promoted to lieutenant. It was unfair.

Completely, utterly unfair.

She was just as culpable as Aric.

Everybody knew that. They had to know. Had to realize.

She spent just as much time with her fellow Havoc members as he did.

If anything, she was more so because she didn't prevent Havoc from escaping. She went running around Ord Mantell at the direction of the traitorous Havoc members.

But here she was being promoted to the CO of Havoc.

Aric snarled, too angry to care as Rin flinched and shrank away from him.

“To get the process started, I’ve decided to assign Sergeant Jorgan here as Havoc’s first new member.” Vander smiled. Clearly trying to make it up to Aric.

The old man didn’t notice how Rin’s body froze, how everything about her froze as panic seized her. She even stopped breathing.

Aric scented the acrid taste of fear. All his anger fled, leaving him empty, as he realized that Rin Ordo was terrified of him.

Him. Aric Jorgan.

The idea of him being on her squad terrified her enough that her renewed breathing was erratic, her heart rate faster than healthy, her nostrils flared, and pupils dilated.

Rin Ordo was having a terror induced panic attack and it was all at the prospect of working constantly with Aric, of being in a squad with him. 

And the Cathar couldn't remember doing anything to make her this frightened of him. He couldn’t remember doing anything to make her frightened at all.

Then he remembered every time he growled, sounded displeased, how she would curl in on herself, shrink away from him, never allowing him to be close to her, finding ways to stand just out of striking distance, interposing another person or a piece of furniture between them. The way she would never meet his eyes or speak loudly or make any loud noise.

Rin Ordo wasn’t just terrified of him; she was terrified of all male Cathar.

He noticed it through her armor cam when she was speaking with that one female Cathar in the refugee camp, the way any time a male Cathar would get too close, Rin would tense up, her heart rate increasing just enough to show on the terminals back in the command center, her breathing noticeably louder through the helmet comms.

Vander wouldn’t pick up on it because Vander was a human, even with his fancy cybernetics, none of those were geared towards heart rates as Aric well knew.

Aric furrowed his brow and watched as Rin tried to force herself to be calm. Again, the general wouldn’t pick up on it.

She breathed through gritted teeth, closing her eyes, her temple pulsing, her nose twitching just a bit as she tried to calm herself. If she had been human, Aric knew that her hands were clenched so tightly her knuckles would be white, so would her face, drained of all color.

But she wasn’t human. She was Cathar. And he could only tell her emotions through scent and the tightness of her jaw, the widening of her eyes, and the tick in her neck.

Aric scented the tang of blood before the mild aroma of pancakes filled the air.

His gaze flickered down to Rin’s hands, her clenched fists, seeing droplets of blood pool around her fingers. She squeezed her fists so hard her claws unsheathed, and she was cutting into her own palms. 

Aric knew it was to anchor herself. To dull the fear, reset her brain to end the anxiety attack with pain.

Vander stood there smiling, completely pleased with himself.

“I’d be glad to have you in the unit, Jorgan.” Rin rasped out, her breathing still erratic.

Aric took an automatic, culturally ingrained step towards her, only stopping at her jutting her chin away, turning her face away from his perusal, and he scented the renewed tang of blood.

Her blood held a sort of spice as well as tang to it. It was different from other Cathar.

Aric’s frown deepened, his nostrils flaring as his senses were assaulted by every sign of her fear, her utter dismay at him being assigned to Havoc.

Rin Ordo was not at all pleased with his inclusion in Havoc. 

She was terrified and barely holding it together if the wild look in her eyes was an indication.

Aric zoned out and he tried to remember if he ever gave the younger Cathar a reason for her to fear him, as he tried to calm his own racing heart. 

It was difficult for him not to comfort her. 

He felt like he needed to. Cathar culture compelled him to. But she didn’t want to be anywhere near him.

He felt inadequate suddenly.

“Lieutenant, Sergeant, you’re dismissed. I hope to see you again someday.” Vander’s voice broke into Aric’s thoughts.

Rin saluted, turned stiffly, then marched out of the room, her body so tense her shoulders were even with her ears.

Aric turned to Vander. “Sir, I don’t think it’s a good idea to transfer me into Havoc.” Aric did not want to work with somebody terrified of him. 

Working together needed trust, understanding. Not fear. Never fear.

Vander frowned, noting Aric’s concerned voice. “She has no leadership skills, Aric. You’ll be a good influence on her. You’ll be able to guide her.”

“She won’t listen to me.” Aric replied, a lie and he knew it. 

Rin would listen to Aric. 

She always did exactly what Aric told her to. And he now knew why. She was too frightened to disobey.

Which wasn’t good. The job of a CO was to make the decisions, be the backbone, the leader of the squad. And Rin couldn’t do that if she was constantly too afraid of Aric to direct him or if Aric had to tell her what to do.

How would that translate into her being his superior? It wouldn’t.

This was bound to fail.

This was a horrible idea.

“Sir,” he paused, how could he explain that he couldn’t work with her? That he and Rin shouldn’t work together. Once again, he came up blank. There was no way to explain it. And Vander wouldn’t believe him anyway. “Thank you, sir.” Aric finished lamely.

Vander nodded. “This was the best I could do for you, Aric. Make the best of it, eh?” He clapped Aric’s shoulder in camaraderie before walking away.

Aric crossed his arms, looking at the ceiling, and sighed. 

Now what did he do?


	7. Chapter 7

_She felt small and hopeless._

_Useless as she watched Ahy deliver a beating to Thrawl. Thrawl hadn’t even done anything to Ahy._

_But that didn’t matter._

_She knew why Thrawl was being beaten. Thrawl had made her laugh. Made her smile._

_Ahy was nothing if not jealous. Violently so._

_“That will teach you to flirt with my wife!” Ahy kicked Thrawl in the gut._

_She flinched at the sound of ribs cracking._

_Thrawl, did nothing. He didn’t even groan. He just lay there and took it. Although their eyes met for a brief nanosecond._

_Thrawl was trying to protect her. Bless him._

_She shook her head slightly. She didn’t need protecting. Thrawl did._

_Thrawl must’ve disagreed because the next thing she heard was the sound of a strained cackle falling from Thrawl’s mouth._

_And he wouldn’t stop laughing._

_No matter how many times Ahy kicked and punched him._

_“Ahy!” She cried, sniffling and swiping at the tears on her cheeks._

_“Yes, wife?” Ahy turned his blue eyes to hers._

_“Let’s go to bed. Find a better way to work out your frustrations?” She asked._

_She was able to control the shudder of revulsion when a malevolent, feral smile twisted Ahy’s lips._

_“Oh, wife, you’re not as stupid as you look.”_

_She watched with wide eyes as the much older Cathar approached her grabbing her slender wrist in a bruising grip before yanking her from the room._

_She didn’t dare look back at Thrawl, her best friend, her only friend as she was dragged from the room._

_“Now, **wife** ,” Ahy tossed her onto the center of the bed, “please me!”_

_She scooted to the end of the bed, her mouth already open as he approached, unbuckling his belt, feral growls falling from his lips._

_She zoned out. It wouldn’t do to dwell on what was happening. It never did._

_Ahy would use her, torture her a little, then go back to do whatever it was heirs did on Drommund Kaas._

_“You’re not paying attention!” His hand yanked her head back painfully._

_“I’m sorry!” She cried, taking lungfuls of air._

_“You will be!” His blue eyes sparked, as he brought up his other hand, already crackling with lightning. “You will be sorry.”_

_“No!” She had a moment to draw in one last breath before all she felt was pain. Never ending pain._

_The last thing she vaguely remembered was shouting Ahy’s name._

#

Aric woke to the sound of a whimper, wincing at the crink in his neck. How he loathed shuttle travel.

Another whimper had him sitting up and glancing at his new CO.

Rin Ordo was having a nightmare.

Frowning, Aric watched as she mimed fighting somebody off.

His hand reached out to wake her when the shuttle droid clanked up.

“Would Lieutenant Ordo care for a blanket?” The droid held out one of the few good things about shuttle travel, shuttles at least had wonderful blankets even if their seats were horrible and they were always freezing.

Aric opened his mouth to say yes when he remembered Rin said she requested no sheets while on Ord Mantell. 

He gazed at the younger Cathar again. She didn’t appear cold.

“No, she would not.” Aric answered.

The droid’s eyes blinked a few times before it shuffled away.

Running a hand over his face, Aric checked his chrono. It was five am. 

Groaning, he flopped back onto the row of seats he occupied.

The shuttle from Ord Mantell was mostly empty, only he, Rin, and some shifty looking spacers were the passengers. Four passengers for a thirty-seat shuttle ride. Yeah, they all got their own rows.

In an attempt at trust building, Aric sat in the row right in front of Rin. He wanted the one behind her, but she sat tense for so long, he was afraid she’d pull a muscle. He watched her flinch as he stood and moved to the row in front of her. It was strange but she visibly relaxed at that.

Another whimper sounded and Aric sat up to frown at his CO.

“Damn, Ordo, what are you dreaming about?” He mumbled to himself.

He should wake her.

But he also knew waking somebody from a nightmare was a horrible idea. The last time he did it, he had a knife pressed to his throat. The time before that he got conked so hard in the head with a helmet, he still sported the scar.

He didn’t want to learn how Rin would react if he woke her up. It was the definition of idiotic to wake a Cathar. He rubbed his neck, remembering when he woke his littermate from a nightmare as a child, her claws dug into his neck and they were lucky her claws weren’t very sharp.

“Caf.” He decided suddenly.

The aroma of caf woke people. Didn’t it? All he needed was to get her a cup of caf and waft the aroma her way and she’d wake up.

Decision made, course of action decided upon, he stood, stretching. 

He’d get her caf, she’d wake up, and he wouldn’t have to worry about her noises anymore.

Or, that’s what he tried to convince himself of. It was a lie.

#

_Rin couldn’t get out._

_And she tried._

_She realized she was dreaming, reliving a memory but she couldn’t escape._

_“Come here wife.” Ahy growled his grip bruising on her wrists as he pressed her into the forest floor. “Why did you run?” A clawed finger ran down her cheek, slicing into her skin, she felt blood trickle down her skin before the scent of pancakes._

_Ahy’s smile twisted in a way that never boded well._

_“Oh, wife,” his hands squeezed, he used the Force to shatter her wrists, she bit her bottom lip hard enough she tasted blood, but she didn’t cry out. He enjoyed it when she cried, when he was able to elicit a reaction out of her._

_His blue eyes flashed as his claws dug into her wrists, his eyes half-lidded and passion glazed as the scent of pancakes and her blood mingled in the dense Kaasian forest._

_Growling he buried his nose in her neck, his tongue darting out to taste her blood, teeth nipping at the tender skin on her wrist._

_A stick breaking behind him ruined the mood. Whatever mood._

_Growling, Ahy tore himself away from Rin, his lightsaber drawn to fight off the threat._

_Rin squeezed her eyes shut and wished for death, curling in on her side as the scent of pancakes became cloying, causing her to gag._

_“Oh, it’s you. Would you care to join?” Ahy purred._

_Rin curled tighter. No, no, no, no, no, please, no. Her hands over her ears, trying to block out the negotiations happening over her head._

_“Rin,” a firm hand grabbed her wrist, a distinctly Republic accent._

_Her eyes popped open in shock as she stared into the mint-green eyes of Aric Jorgan. She never noticed his irises were mint-green before, but they were._

_She probably never noticed because she never fully allowed herself to pay attention._

_She felt herself getting pulled to her feet, her eyes never leaving Aric’s._

_Why was he here? She never had her present life intrude in her past life before._

_“Ordo,” Aric’s hand slowly reached out to cup her cheek, thumb wiping away the blood still lingering from Ahy’s cut. “I’m getting you out of here.”_

_“That’s what you think.” Ahy growled, his lightsaber blade shoved through Aric’s chest._

_And Rin did screech then, Ahy’s laughter drowning out her pain._

#

Gasping, flailing at air, Rin rolled off the row of seats and onto the shuttle floor.

What the kark? What the kark?

What the KARK?

Her ears were still ringing from her own screams, tears streaming down her face, her heart beating so fast she felt like her chest would explode.

Curling into a ball, she tried to calm her racing heart.

What the kark was that dream?

Why was Aric there?

That didn't make any sense.

Why was he saving her?

Aric couldn’t save her. 

Not from her past.

That’s not how it worked.

That’s not how anything worked.

Shivering, hugging herself, she calmed herself, counting to one hundred in every language she knew.

“Ordo?”

Her head whipped around to see Aric frowning down at her, holding two cups of caf.

“Lieu -Sergeant,” she corrected herself, her voice was a shameful wreck and she couldn’t seem to draw in a full breath. He was here. Alive. She didn’t understand why she was so relieved.

“Caf.” He held his right hand aloft.

She nodded, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt, climbing off the floor, sitting back in her seat, accepting the cup of caf.

Watching her new subordinate sit once again in the row in front of her.

She turned her face down to her cup of caf, holding the liquid between trembling hands, breathing in the scent, allowing the aroma to sooth her nightmare and panic attack away.

Aric sat quietly, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He felt concerned. Great concern for his CO. He wasn’t sure what she dreamt about. All he knew was the scent of her acrid, poisonous terror filled the small shuttle, the sound of her increasingly loud whimpers woke the two spacers.

The Chiss spacer frowned and craned his neck to get a good look at Rin and Aric growled slightly, warning the man off.

Nobody deserved to be a sightseeing show for curious bastards. Least of all the vulnerable young woman having a nightmare at the back of the shuttle.

He burned himself with hot caf when he heard the loud thud of Rin hitting the floor. Then the unmistakable sound of her rapid heartbeat and ragged breathing. She was having another panic attack.

And she was still in the grips of one. The caf was not working to calm her down.

What should he do?

Talk to her?

Is that what his cousin told him? Talk to somebody having a panic attack? Aric vaguely remembered that from the last Life Day gathering he bothered attending with his family.

But what did he talk about? She wouldn’t talk about her nightmares and he was sure he didn’t want to know.

Her nightmares obviously didn’t prevent her from doing her job.

Not even her fear of him stopped her from doing her job.

“So, Havoc Squad, best of the best.” he heard himself say, watching as Rin’s left ear, the ear closest to him, twitched. Her ears were longer than normal Cathar, now that he finally noticed. And she sported three helix piercings in her left ear as well. Interesting. Piercings meant something in Cathar culture, he wondered what hers meant. 

He noticed she was gazing at his face, for once, focusing on the way his lips moved, as if she was using the sound of his voice, the motion of his lips to help calm herself. 

“Can’t say I’m thrilled about the demotion, but I’m honored to be here, sir.” He cleared his throat, his gaze flickering back to her ears.

Her ears reminded him of a Bothan’s.

Was she not full Cathar?

“I’m, uh,” she cleared her throat, frowning down at the red liquid, “pleased to have you with me.” Her voice became strangled on the last word. A lie she desperately wanted to be true.

Aric studied her. If she wanted to be glad he was working with her then he could work with that.

“I used to command the Deadeyes.” He started conversationally as the silence stretched on. “Finest sniper squad in the Republic.”

She nodded. “I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do, Jorgan.” She stuttered over his name again, like she wasn’t used to saying it, like it felt weird in her mouth.

Awkward silence fell. This time slightly more comfortable. He watched in increasing annoyance as she continued just sniffing the caf in her hand, a glazed look to her eyes.

“It’s not poisoned.” He found himself grounding out, offended she refused to drink his offering.

Rin reacted as if slapped, flinching away from him again, curling in on herself, shrinking. “I know!” She spoke quietly, earnestly, guiltily, her shoulders even with her ears. “You don’t have the personality to poison somebody.”

She said it with such surety that Aric regretted his snark.

He found himself frowning at her again. He seemed to constantly be frowning at her. When did she run into somebody with the personality to poison somebody?

Again, he found himself thinking back to her file. Her mostly blank, empty file. It didn’t even list an age. How old was she?

What was her past?

She met his eyes, just quick enough for him to read her emotions. Ashamed.

Rin Ordo was ashamed of something.

Ashamed and frightened of him still.

He knew one cup of caf wasn’t going to erase her fear. But it was a start.

“You want breakfast?” he asked, scratching his ear.

She nodded. 

Aric pushed himself from his seat, stifling a growl of annoyance as his movement caused her to shrink further in on herself.

Right, he’d have to move slowly. Exceptionally slowly.

This was going to be the hardest thing he ever did. 

“Come on, sir.” He jerked his chin towards the front of the shuttle, standing absolutely still, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she stood stiffly. 


	8. Chapter 8

Rin couldn’t look Aric in the eye, too ashamed of her dream. She got him killed. He tried to save her, and he died.

Ahy stabbed him.

It was an omen. A vision. 

She had those occasionally, as well as the inane self-healing.

If she let Aric help her, he’d die. Ahy would kill him.

And Rin had no doubt Ahy would win in a fight between him and Aric.

“Here.” Some form of pastry was shoved into her face.

She blinked at it before following the arm up the Aric’s face where she accidentally met his intense, curious gaze before delicately snatching the pastry and glancing away.

She had to leave Havoc.

There was no way around it.

If she left Havoc, then Aric would be safe. He wouldn’t try to save her, and he wouldn’t die.

She turned her attention to the thing Aric gave her. It was…. She didn’t know what it was.

“What is this?” She didn’t realize she asked the question until she heard Aric’s answer.

“It’s a chocolate banana muffin.” Came his reply.

Rin’s eyes darted to his face before darting to the muffin she held in her hand. “What is it specifically?”

Aric swallowed, taking a sip of caf as he tried to parse out her question. Then it hit him, she didn’t know what a muffin was, he felt his heart constrict at that. 

What was her past?

“Do you know what a cupcake is?” he asked instead.

She frowned, turning the muffin over and over in her hand. “It’s a miniature cake.” She held up the muffin to the light, frowning at it, noting the way it was cupcake shaped but bigger and not as pretty. “This is not a cupcake.”

It was hideous and bulbous and just hideous. She took a tentative whiff. It smelled nice; had a chocolatey aroma. 

Her eyes teared up again. She’d never had chocolate before. Or a banana. What was a banana?

She sniffed the muffin again.

“That’s because it’s a muffin.” Was it wrong that her furrowed brow and consternated face was slightly adorable? Aric quickly squashed that thought. He mustn't be thinking of his CO as adorable. “A muffin is like a cupcake, but it usually doesn’t have icing or sprinkles.”

“So,” she spoke slowly, brow furrowing as she sniffed the muffin again, “a muffin is an ugly cupcake?”

Aric snorted, discovering the corner of his lips turning up into a smile. “Yeah, a muffin is an ugly cupcake.”

Her frown deepened, chewing her bottom lip in displeasure as she continued turning the muffin over and over in her hands. “Does it taste as good?”

The Mandalorians had something like a cupcake. Or, well, it was Uj. A nut and fruit cake she loved. And sometimes they would bake it into a cupcake type shape and top it with a honey glaze. 

But she’d definitely seen cupcakes while in Ahy’s possession. And chocolate was something she’d never allowed herself to even dream about.

“Would you rather have a donut?” Aric asked, his desperation increasing the longer she didn’t take a bite of the pastry.

Rin wasn’t saying anything, and she wasn’t eating. Maybe she hated cupcakes?

Maybe she hated chocolate? Or bananas? Was she allergic?

His eyes widened as at the thought that he bought Rin something she was allergic to.

His eyes darted around, trying to locate the med-droid, the medkit, anything that would have an EPI-pen.

He was close to snatching the muffin out of her hand and shoving a bagel in her hand when she finally brought the muffin to her mouth.

Her tongue darted out to lick the top of the muffin and Aric watched as she blinked slowly before finally taking a small, tentative bite.

Her eyelids slid closed, lashes fluttering, nostrils flaring before she finally opened her eyes.

Her face still expressionless as she put the muffin down before finally taking a sip of her caf.

“Would you like to try mine?” Aric was panicking. Why? He wasn’t sure.

He bought Rin a chocolate banana muffin because he was so sure she’d like it. But she wasn’t reacting. All her reactions could also translate to her disliking it.

Was she breathing alright? He tilted his right ear towards her, trying to hear if her breathing was arrested.

She took a deep breath, but it was a perfectly normal deep breath.

He felt himself relax, a bit, but he couldn’t stop his worry. She wasn’t reacting.

He expected some type of reaction. 

And what he was getting was practically nothing. He’d seen med-droids give more reaction.

“What’s yours?” Rin studied his muffin, taking a whiff of the air. It had the banana aroma she picked up from her muffin, but it wasn’t chocolate.

“Peanut butter banana muffin.” Aric held his muffin out.

He fully expected her to take the muffin out of his hand, or at least pinch some off with her fingers. 

That is not what happened.

What happened was Rin leaned down close to the muffin, taking a tentative whiff of the muffin before delicately taking a small bite.

Aric felt his chest freeze at the action. That was…..

What she just did was……

His mouth opened slightly, his eyes widening.

Seriously, what the kark was her past?

Again, her eyelids slid closed, lashes fluttered, nostrils flared.

“Hmmm.” She took another bite of her own muffin, a pout forming on her lips, confused anger on her face as she set her muffin down to take another sip of her caf.

Again, came the unbidden thought of how adorable she looked. “Well, you can have the peanut butter banana muffin tomorrow for breakfast.” He swallowed thickly, covering his thoughts with a deep drag of his still hot caf.

He grunted as he scalded his tongue on the hot liquid, but he didn’t care, he tried soothing it with a huge bite of his muffin.

“I like this caf.” she stated, fingers alternatively stroking the muffin and the caf cup. “But it’s different than the caf in the carafes.”

“Yeah, that’s because it’s my own personal stash.” Aric said around a mouthful of muffin. “My family are caf bean farmers. And they send me some every month.”

They stood in silence around the shuttle bar.

The two spacers took up space at the other end of the bar. Occasionally, the Chiss would glance over at Rin, a leer marring his features before he would turn back to his human companion.

The Chiss straightened, hissed something at his companion and made to head over to Rin and Aric. 

Aric took a step forward, blocking the Chiss’ view of Rin, baring his teeth at the Chiss.

The Chiss arched a lurid eyebrow, holding his hands up in surrender before he meandered back to his chosen seat.

Aric turned his attention back to Rin just in time to see the caf cup and muffin slip from lifeless fingers.

He caught the cup, sloshing some of the still hot liquid over his fingers, he hissed in pain.

Rin started hyperventilating.

Hastily, Aric placed the caf cup on the bar, next to his.

“Ordo,” Aric spoke softly, arm reaching out, his hand light on the top of her head, “eat this.” Her muffin was on the floor but his was only half eaten, he shoved the muffin into her hand, blocking her view of the mysterious Chiss, using his hand to gently tilt her head back so her gaze wasn’t on the place the Chiss was sitting. “Eat.”

Rin stuffed the muffin in her mouth, taking a giant bite and chewing automatically, following his orders.

“Look at me.” He hated himself.

Hating himself even more as her eyes snapped to his face, her jaw working frantically as she nibbled the muffin in panic.

“Let’s go back to our seats and you can finish up that report you still owe me.” He kept his hand flat on her head, his voice soft, his body language relaxed, not threatening in any way, her face tilted up to his, his eyes locked on hers. This was the longest they’ve held eye contact.

He waited until she was done with the muffin, her breathing no longer as erratic as it used to be, her pupils not as dilated in sheer panic, the acrid taste of her fear subsiding as she slowly nodded.

“What report?” She whispered, eyes darting away from his, he tilted her head to the side, so she couldn’t look behind him.

“You never wrote an end of mission report about the separatist base.” Aric explained, somehow turning Rin around and helping her walk back to her seat, he made sure she sat in the seat closest to the wall before he made a split decision and sat beside her, grabbing his datapad, the blanket he used, draping it across the back of the seats to block her view of the Chiss and the Chiss’ view of her.

Rin looked at Aric curiously, too panicked by the unknown spacer to question the Cathar’s motives.

“Here,” Aric handed her her datapad. “Vander’s last orders were for us to finish our report on the separatist base. And I can’t finish mine until you finish yours, sir.” It was a blatant lie, but he needed Rin to focus on something other than her panic.

Rin accepted her datapad, their fingers brushing against each other as she took the device. The touch of their fingers anchoring, her breaths coming stronger, smoothing out.

Aric glanced at the spacers and saw that the two were sitting comfortably, discussing whatever it was spacers discussed and not looking at Rin.

“I’ll go get us caf to make the paperwork bearable. And snacks.” Aric stood only to be stopped by Rin’s fingers clutching at his sleeve.

“Don’t leave, please.” She pleaded, voice filled with tears, mismatched eyes for once searching out his.

“I won’t.” He sat back down.

Rin took a deep breath and went back to her datapad.

  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Aric watched as Rin slept curled into the corner of the row of seats they occupied. She fell asleep halfway through her report.

Not even the caf could keep her eyes open and he watched as she fought yawns and a nodding head for two hours before sleep finally won.

He grabbed her datapad from limp fingers before it slipped from her hands to the floor. He then prevented her from giving herself a concussion with how hard her head would’ve smacked into the shuttle wall. Aric knew this because his fingers were still bruised.

Rin looked smaller, younger, helpless. And exceedingly sad.

Aric discovered several things about her on accident in the past seventy-two hours. The most obvious being she didn’t sleep. She doped herself with caf, no stims, never a stim or an adrenal, until she was wired so harshly, she shook, her heart rate going faster than a hummingbird’s. 

She’d nod off for thirty minutes before waking herself up with a nightmare that had her suffering a panic attack every time.

But even caffeine and periodic naps couldn’t keep a person awake forever.

Aric wasn’t tired because he had more naps, waking up to find Rin’s eyes suddenly anywhere but his face. 

She was constantly studying him from the cover of her datapad and that was why she hadn’t finished the report.

That and she must’ve feared that the second she finished the report, Aric would move back to his own row of seats and leave her vulnerable to the mysterious Chiss.

Rin whimpered, her hands spasming, fisting. “No!” She muttered.

Aric frowned, checking his chrono. She’d been asleep for ten minutes. And already having a nightmare?

She cried out in her sleep, body curling, reacting as if being kicked.

“Stop!” she whined. “Please!” a pained gasp. “I’ll be good. I promise.” she whined again, a distressed trill leaving her throat.

A pained grunt ripped from her throat and Aric felt himself moving. He couldn’t watch her go through another nightmare. Not again. Not after the last seventy-two hours. 

He couldn’t do it.

“Ordo. Sir.” Aric’s hand touched the top of her head gently. “Wake up.” He spoke softly, trying to keep her nightmare private from the two spacers.

She shook her head. “No! Please!” she gasped, body twitching, hands scratching uselessly at her throat, fingers grasping at an invisible….

He brow furrowed. What was she grasping at?

Another pained gasp, her body convulsing as if she was being electrocuted.

A shock collar!

She was scratching at a shock collar. The kind slaves wore.

Aric’ fingers curled into her mane, chirping at her.

She gasped awake, her eyes wide, pupils dilated, growl rumbling her throat, claws latched onto his shirt, teeth bared, hissing in a way that meant warning. 

“Ordo?” Aric asked, the fingers in her mane stroking her scalp as much as the braided monstrosity of a manestyle she had allowed, his other held up in surrender.

Rin’s breath whistled past her teeth, no recognition in her eyes, a feral intensity slowly fading as her breathing normalized.

“Jorgan?” She snatched her hands back, horrified at herself. “I apologize, sir- Lieutenant - Jorgan.” she stuttered, hugging herself and glancing down and away, tears gathering in her mismatched eyes.

Aric removed his hand from her mane, the hand dropping heavily onto his thigh as realization hit him. It all made sense.

Rin Ordo was a former slave.

“How long?” he inquired.

“How long what?” She cleared her throat, her hands rubbing up and down her arms.

“How long were you a slave?”

His question surprised her, surprised her enough for her gaze to meet his for a full second before shifting away again in shame. “Thirteen years.” 

“How long has it been since you were freed?”

“Seven years.” she cleared her throat again. “I haven’t been a slave for seven years.”

“You aren’t scarred like most slaves. Corrective surgery?” 

She shook her head. “I wasn’t that kind of slave.” Even without her freakish healing ability, she never would’ve been marked. 

One didn’t mark the kind of slave she was.

It would’ve embarrassed Ahy. And Ahy never would’ve admitted he had to buy a slave to have his children.

Aric frowned. There were different types of slaves? But even the Hutts’ entertainment slaves had slave marks on them.

“What kind of slave were you?” he heard himself ask.

“I need to use the refresher.” She said, ignoring the question.

Nodding, he stood, moving aside to allow her to pass.

He watched her scurry to the refresher, closing and locking the door behind her.

What kind of slave was Rin before she joined the Republic military? And where was she for three years before she attended the Academy? What was her age?

Aric pulled out his datapad, looking through her file, hoping to glean any new sort of information about her past that he could.

#

Rin glared at herself in the refresher mirror, fighting the urge to shatter the glass, cut herself, injure herself. Anything to stop thinking about Aric’s questions.

She knew he was dangerous. 

Dangerous to her specifically.

He was too smart, too observant. He’d figure it out.

He’d figure out her past.

She had to run.

She’d run the first chance she got.

Coruscant was huge. 

Huge enough for her to find a shuttle heading towards Wild Space.

She had to be safe.

_She had to be safe._

#

Aric glanced occasionally from his datapad to the two spacers. They were awake and murmuring.

Rin still wasn’t out of the refresher.

Movement from the front of the shuttle drew Aric’s gaze.

It was the Chiss, stretching.

The Chiss locked eyes with Aric; leering, the Chiss approached the Cathar.

“So, how long until she’s out of the refresher? I really gotta piss.” The Chiss’ accent was cool, crisp. Imperial.

Aric shrugged, instantly disliking the scents the Chiss gave off. “Don’t know. Why don’t you sit back down and wait.”

The Chiss smiled and sat in the seat just in front of Aric.

Aric growled subvocally.

The Chiss didn’t seem to hear it as he began whistling and flipping some foreign coin.

The refresher door hissed open, steam escaping the small room, causing both Aric and the Chiss to stand.

Rin exited the refresher, drawing up short at the sight of the Chiss standing so close.

Aric moved to block Rin’s view of the Chiss. “Sir, I made us caf.” He indicated two fresh steaming cups of caf. “And commandeered lunch.”

Rin’s eyes tightened, her breath hitched as she eased past Aric to take her seat, not looking at the Chiss.

Aric sat immediately, moving to block Rin’s view of the Chiss once more.

“Caf and a sandwich.” Aric pressed the sandwich into Rin’s limp hand, wrapping her fingers around the package. 

She gasped at the contact, her eyes briefly meeting his before she glanced at the sandwich. “Thank you, Jorgan.”

He nodded.

Both of them ignored the Chiss as he casually strolled into the refresher.

“Sir,” Aric spoke softly as soon as the door snicked shut, “eat.”

Rin took a deep breath and took a bite of her sandwich, wrapper and all.

“Uh, sir,” Aric plucked the sandwich from her hand, unwrapping it before giving it back. “It tastes much better without the wrapper.”

“You don’t know what I like, Jorgan.” Rin tried for levity. “Maybe I enjoy the taste of sandwich flimsie.”

“Maybe you do, but you’re not going to ruin a perfectly good sandwich with sandwich flimsie, not while I’m here. Ruin a sandwich on your own time, sir.” Aric rebutted.

It was the first joking exchange they ever had. He found himself liking her humor.

“Don’t forget your caf.” Aric added.

Rin took a sip of caf, the jovial nature of their exchange having calmed her enough that she breathed while eating unlike the time she power ate the muffin the other day. She ate that without breathing until she was done.

She jumped when the refresher door hissed open again, the Chiss moseying out of the room and back towards his seat with only the slightest pause at the row the two Cathar occupied.

Rin tucked a strand of escaped mane behind her ear, baring her teeth, a warning.

The Chiss hissed at that and stalked away.

Aric glanced at Rin’s ear.

He hadn’t noticed until now that her right ear had a black industrial bar in it. Rather like the Chiss spacer’s right ear. 

Interesting.

#

“Sir, I’m heading to the refresher.” No matter how much he tried to hold it, five cups of caf was Aric’s absolute limit before he pissed himself.

Rin jerked her head, her eyes darting to the front of the shuttle.

“We’re the only ones awake, sir.” Aric answered her unasked question without being obvious about it. 

She relaxed at that, jerking her chin. 

Standing, Aric went to the refresher.

#

Rin closed her eyes, rubbing her temples. Paperwork was monstrous. It would be easier if she wasn’t constantly distracted by either Aric’s proximity or the existence of the Chiss. 

Thrawl Cisi.

Why did Thrawl have to be here?

Both men’s presence was enough to give her a tension headache and make her jaw hurt with how hard she clenched it. Next, she’d start grinding her teeth.

“Hello poppet.”

Her eyes snapped open, meeting the blazing scarlet gaze of Thrawl.

“How is our little pet?” Thrawl hissed, his hand fast around her throat, slamming her against the wall. “Happy these last seven years free of slavery?”

Rin snarled. “Thrawl!”

“It’s Rawl now actually.” The Chiss rasped. “I missed you, poppet.” He ran the back of his hand down her cheek. “I dreamt about you every night for seven years. Did you dream about me?”

“Yes.” she ground out, eyes flashing.

Rawl’s hand tightened around her throat for a second before loosening but not letting go. “Were they as pleasant as mine were?” He leaned over the seat to get directly in her face, her gaze locked on his. 

She growled, hand shoving upward in a violent motion, stopping just short of his throat.

Rawl growled. “I see you still have the retractable wrist knife.”

“It’s helpful when people get handsy.” She spat through gritted teeth.

“Indeed, it is.” Rawl drawled, his hand tightening briefly, in his chin tilting upward, neck inching closer to the blade. “Could you kill me though, poppet? You loved me once. Do you have the courage?”

Rin swallowed, her hand twitching, her fingers pressing on his neck just where the blade would stab in.

“You want to let the Lieutenant go.” Aric ordered, voice holding a threatening vibrato. “Assaulting a Republic officer results in six months prison time. Minimum.” Aric took a menacing step forward, his clawed hand latching onto Rawl’s shoulder.

Rawl growled, releasing Rin’s throat. “Well then. I’ll just have to wait until she’s no longer an officer.” Shrugging off Aric’s hand. “Until next time, poppet.”

Aric watched as the Chiss stalked back towards his seat.

An angry hiss broke from Rin’s throat as her knees gave out, her body thudding heavily into her seat, retractable blade still unsheathed.

“Sir,” Aric sat gingerly in his own seat, wondering at the retractable blade, “we’re thirty-six hours away from Fleet. Then Coruscant after that.”

Worried, relief filled eyes met his and she nodded.

Aric smiled slightly. He could tell by the gratitude in Rin’s gaze that she understood perfectly what he was saying. She only had to worry about Rawl for another thirty-six hours.

She picked up her datapad with one hand, her other hand twitching a certain way causing the retractable blade to go back into its sheath.

She had a retractable blade on her wrist this entire time. Why hadn’t she used it when he woke her. Why did she only use it with the Chiss, this Rawl character?

And how did she know Rawl? Were they former slaves together? They both had industrial bars, a sign of pirate slavery over Hutt or Imperial slavery.

Aric read through her file again. Nothing. No age, no birth date, not even a birth year. Just name and everything she did the moment she joined the academy.

Who was Rin Ordo?

And could Aric trust her?

And better yet, could she be the CO of Havoc?

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Rin watched Aric Jorgan sleep. He snored.

She noted his onyx colored fur, so much darker than her own. The dim lights of the shuttle seemed to be absorbed by the color instead of reflecting. She’d never seen a solid colored Cathar with fur so black. It was…..enchanting. She caught herself wondering if it felt as luscious as it looked. She knew if his eyes were open, he’d have a mint-green iris with a white sclera. 

He was a good foot taller than her, broad shoulders, warm, large hands. She enjoyed the way his eyes crinkled whenever she said something remotely humorous. 

Her hand swept over her mane. She also enjoyed the way his hand felt in her mane, on her head. It was comforting.

She hadn’t known comfort since she was eight.

Twenty years ago.

Three lives ago.

So many reincarnations of herself. 

Breath hitching, she glanced down at her hands, the way they were wrapped around yet another cup of caf he made her.

He was currently keeping her safe from Thrawl. No, Rawl.

Aric was keeping her safe from Rawl.

Every time the Chiss walked by, Aric would growl subvocally at the Chiss.

She wasn’t even sure the older Cathar realized he was doing it.

She kept staring.

Aric Jorgan frightened her. He was so much taller than her. He could so easily hurt her. But he hadn’t.

_Not yet_ , a part of her brain pointed out.

But that part was getting smaller and smaller, quieter and quieter.

Her eyes flickered around, noting the sandwich wrappers, the empty caf cups, the snacks, the blanket Aric draped over the row of seats in front of them to hide her from Rawl.

Why was Aric protecting her?

Why?

Was it because he was her subordinate?

That had to be it.

It was the only reason her brain would accept.

It couldn’t be because he wanted her to be less afraid of him, that he wanted Rin to be his friend.

No. 

Nobody wanted to be her friend.

She was a freak.

Nobody wanted to be friends with a freak.

No. Aric was protecting her from Rawl because he was her subordinate.

She frowned. Another part of her mind was trying to tell her Aric was being nice to her to make her less frightened of him.

But that didn’t make sense.

Why would he be trying to make her less frightened of him? Why would he give up the power he had over her?

He wouldn’t. Male Cathar didn’t just give up power over somebody weaker than them.

No. Aric was luring her into a false sense of security, making it to where she would owe him something.

Yes. 

She nodded to herself.

That made more sense.

Aric was merely trying to get her to trust him so that he could control her.

Yes. 

That was what was happening.

He wasn’t so different from the others. He just didn’t use violence.

But he was still trying to control her.

She started chewing her thumb nail as he snorted himself awake.

She wasn’t sure if she hated this form of control. She quickly averted her gaze.

And that troubled her.


	11. Chapter 11

Fleet was…

Rin had no accurate words to describe it.

It wasn’t like the Imperial Fleet at all.

Imperial Fleet was silent, only the occasional voice over the loudspeaker being heard.

Republic Fleet was cacophonous, chaotic. It hurt her senses.

Flinching, she shrank in on herself as she waited for Aric.

He was off buying himself a milkshake, leaving her alone to cope with the Fleet.

She promised him she’d be fine.

She lied. They both knew it, but he hadn’t pressed, merely glared at her a bit before walking away to the vendor.

This was horrible.

Why did they have to stop here before going on to Coruscant? Why couldn’t there be a direct flight?

A loud laugh sounded off to her right and Rin slapped her hands over her ears.

It was so loud.

And there were too many people.

Way too many people.

Sniffing, her nose twitching she picked up the unmistakable scent of male Cathar.

Her eyes widened at the same time her pupils shrank to mere slits.

A group of male Cathar. At least four.

Shaking her head, she began backing up.

She had to get away.

Quickly.

Before they scented her.

“No!” she whimpered, darting away.

She didn't know where she was going. All she knew was she had to get away.

Far, far away.

#

Aric kept sending surreptitious glances Rin’s way. 

She was having a panic attack. They both knew it. But she lied to him, promising him she would be alright enough for him to go buy a milkshake.

He regretted wanting one the minute he stood in line and took the first look back at his CO.

Her eyes were darting around frantically, her body curved in on itself, her hands clutching her arms as she hugged herself, her mouth slightly open in a grimace. 

He didn’t have to be near her to hear how erratic her breathing was.

“What’ll it be?” the vendor asked, smiling at Aric.

Aric glanced away from Rin, to the vendor, to the menu. “Banana chocolate milkshake and,” he frowned. 

What type of milkshake would Rin like? 

He glanced over at her again. Did she even like milkshakes? 

Wait, had she ever even had a milkshake before? She was a former slave and she’d only been free for seven years. There were loads of foods to try. Was a milkshake something she’s tried before?

Honey, chocolate, and banana. She did mention how she enjoyed honey. Right?

“Honey chocolate banana milkshake. Please.” Aric handed over the cred-stick. 

It felt strange, but he really hoped Rin liked what he ordered for her.

He still wasn’t sure what she did and did not like. 

Well, other than the caf he made her every day. She seemed to like his caf.

His _parents’_ caf. He mentally corrected himself.

It wasn’t his caf. He merely prepared it.

He growled at his own thoughts, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Why did it make him exorbitantly pleased that she seemed to like the way he fixed caf, his family's caf beans?

He knew this because the steward droid gave her the caf the shuttle stocked and she took one sip, frowned slightly, then didn’t touch it again.

That was when he realized that her nose wrinkled rather adorably when she ran across something she found not to her taste.

Groaning, Aric ran a hand over his scalp. He needed to stop thinking of his CO as adorable.

What he needed was to get her less terrified of him.

Not that a milkshake would help with that.

Probably?

“Here you go!” The vendor stated, handing Aric two milkshakes.

“Thanks.” Aric stated, shaking his head at his errant thoughts.

Turning, he began walking back to Rin. Only to realize that she was not where she was supposed to be.

“Shit!” he hissed.

She ran.

He got distracted and she ran.

Growling in frustration at his own idiocy, he took a quick sniff, picking out her scent easily. Having spent a week in close proximity with somebody did get one familiar with a particular scent.

Clutching the milkshakes in firm hands, Aric began trying to find his CO.

He was such a moron for getting distracted by his own thoughts.

#

Rin sat rocking back and forth, arms over her head, breathing heavy, borderline hyperventilating, head between her knees as she hid behind a massive stack of crates in the Cartel Bazaar.

There were no Cathar in the Cartel Bazaar but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t scent her out, that they couldn’t find her.

She whimpered at the thought, breath hitching, tears threatening.

She wouldn’t cry.

She wouldn’t.

“Sir,” she heard Aric’s voice the second before he slid down the wall next to her, close enough to offer support by his presence, but far enough away it wouldn’t exacerbate her panic attack. “Here.” He gently touched her exposed wrist with something cold.

Rin’s breath hitched again, her head lifting to see what was so cold. It was a to-go drink.

She accepted it out of habit, used to Aric offering her food and drinks.

“What is it?” She sniffed at the straw opening.

“A milkshake.” Aric answered as he sipped at his own milkshake, his head leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, knees drawn up to his chest, the hand holding the milkshake propped up on a knee, the other arm propped up on the other knee.

Rin chewed her lips, already used to the new and often tasty foods Aric gave her. She still wasn’t sure his angle, why he was wanting to use food as way to control her, but it was a rather pleasant change of pace.

Mentally shrugging, she took a sip and actually groaned, her eyelids closed, lashes fluttering, her nostrils flaring. 

“Delicious?” Aric asked, perhaps realizing for the first time that the whole eyes being closed, lashes fluttering, nostrils flaring was her tell that she enjoyed something.

Rin nodded, glancing at his face to see his intense gaze on her face. “It is. Thank you, Jorgan.”

“I figured while I was buying one for myself.” He cleared his throat, his gaze shifting away. “Sir, I’d like to apologize for leaving you like that when I went to get a milkshake. It was inconsiderate of me. I forgot how,” _you’re terrified of male Cathar and how Fleet is practically crawling with them_ , he thought caustically to himself, “crowded Fleet is and how it’s such a shock and being around a,” he drew a blank, they weren’t friends - not yet, anyway, “compatriot lessened the discomfort.” Did that sound too pompous? She relaxed slightly, whether at his apology or his words he didn’t know but she relaxed. “Especially after Ord Mantell.” his gaze flickered to her face; he cleared his throat again. “I also would,” he frowned at his milkshake, trying to find the proper words, “need to be alone after missions ended. The Deadeyes would often camp out in the wilderness for weeks before we took out our targets and coming back to Fleet was always a shock.”

Rin dared to glance at his face. Clearing her own throat, she frowned at her own milkshake. “Yes. A huge shock after being on Ord Mantell. Not as many people on that planet.” And the male Cathar were easier to avoid there as well.

Aric nodded again. “It’s perfectly normal to have a type of social anxiety when thrust into large groups of people. I get it.” He ducked his head to meet her gaze. 

Rin’s mouth opened in surprise at the honesty in his eyes. He did get it. He understood where she was coming from, why she was panicking. 

He even knew she was terrified of male Cathar, terrified of him.

Jerking her chin once, she averted her gaze, taking another sip of her milkshake. “Thank you for this.” She indicated the milkshake. “What flavor is it?”

“Honey chocolate banana.” Aric sounded relieved as the topic changed to something less volatile than her deep-rooted fear of him.

“I like it.” Rin answered.


	12. Chapter 12

Coruscant was huge and frightening. But Havoc’s apartment was quiet and cozy and nice. Squads shared quarters even when not on ships.

It made sense. Logically, practically.

Rin knew that. She did.

But, Aric was so close.

She had her own room. She could lock the door. She held onto that knowledge like a lifeline.

Falling face down into the mattress, she breathed in the scent of stale sheets. It was the thoughts of her being forced to strip the bed that staved off yet another panic attack.

She’d had four since making planetfall.

Leaving the shuttle, upon arrival check-in. Because Rawl made sure to keep close.

Aric staved off that panic attack by talking about his time previously on the planet and what happened to the Republic capitol during the war. 

Rin remembered he growled at several male Cathar on their walk out of the spaceport.

The second time was upon entering the Senate Tower to meet General Garza. Several Cathar dignitaries caught sight of Rin and made to move closer, prompting another panic attack. Aric had shoved a bagel sandwich into her hands and directed her to eat. Again, he growled at the other Cathar.

The third time was at the taxi stand heading towards Havoc’s quarters. The noise. Rin hadn’t encountered such noise since Nar Shaddaa and she hadn’t been prepared. Again, Aric stemmed off the attack by shoving a caf into her hands.

And now. The fourth panic attack.

Her fingers bunched in the sheets, focusing on the stale scent of unused sheets, the fabric chaffing her fur, it was some form of cotton. Slightly better than military issued but not satin or silk.

Yes. 

Snorting, standing, she began stripping the bed, removing the sheets, the blanket, the pillows until only the bare mattress stared back at her.

Perfect. 

Nothing for her to feel trapped by. Nothing to be used to suffocate her in her sleep. Nothing to be used for autoerotic asphyxiation.

A shiver passed through her body as she ruthlessly crushed memories of her marriage.

No.

She was in control.

Ahy wasn’t here.

He was in Imperial Space and he didn’t know her location.

Folding the sheets as she counted to one hundred in every language she knew, she calmed down enough to stop shaking.

She needed a shower. She stank of fear induced sweat.

Leaving the sheets and pillows in a neat pile on the desk in the corner with an email sent to Housing, she gathered her shower necessities. She’d heard there were water showers available on Coruscant and she’d never had a water shower. She wanted to find out how different it was from sonic.

She even bought special shampoo for the occasion, a soothing mint scent. Yes.

She’d take a water shower and calm down.

That was perfectly normal. Right? That’s what people did to relax? Take water showers and relax?

Chewing her bottom lip, Rin headed towards the shared refresher, pleased to discover that Aric wasn’t in the apartment.

#

Aric glared at the vending machine. There were absolutely no Cathar friendly snacks in it.

The apartment’s kitchen had no Cathar friendly foods either.

Which was strange.

Cather were often in Special Forces.

How were there absolutely no Cathar friendly choices?

Growling, he punched in Nautolan choices. Nautolans at least were carnivorous where Cathar were omnivorous. Cathar could at least have Nautolan snacks.

Aric would have to email Housing and complain about the lack of appropriate rations.

He’d already inserted the credits and ordered another snack for Rin before he realized what he was doing. It was as he was bent over, taking the items from the tray that his brain finally caught up to his body.

He straightened slowly. He just got her food without prompting.

He glared down at the bottle of milk and packaged fish steak in his hand for a few seconds.

What was he doing?

Well, he reasoned. She needed to eat. And he bought her food before. She needed to eat and since he was buying for himself it was only right that he bought for her.

Yeah. Nothing else to it.

They were compatriots, fellow soldiers, squadmates, buying each other food was perfectly normal.

Rationalising his actions he walked back to the apartment.

Opening the door, he heard the refresher going, he placed Rin’s bottle of milk and the fish steak in the fridge, turning at the sound of the refresher door opening.

Aric felt his jaw drop as Rin emerged from the billowing cloud of steam. 

“Your mane,” he swallowed, “it’s curly.” He’d never seen a Cathar with a curly mane before.

“Oh.” Rin grimaced, her hand going to twirl a strand of mane around a finger as she stood nervously just outside the refresher.

Aric’s gaze wandered over her mane. The alabaster streak in her raven locks more noticeable.

He’d noticed her curly mane before, at the end of the braided ponytail that she had but he thought was a result of how she styled her mane.

But it obviously wasn’t. Her mane was naturally curly.

And the lights reflected off the raven mass of her curls making them shine blue, the alabaster streak shining a type of silver in the room’s lights.

“Beautiful.” he breathed.

“What?” Rin’s curious gaze met his.

“It’s nice. I mean, I like it.” He coughed, clearing his throat, scratching his ear. “I mean, you look gorgeous. That is, you’re gorgeous with your mane down. Your mane is gorgeous down!” He cleared his throat again, tearing his eyes away from her intense gaze. The wall over her shoulder seemed really interesting. “It suits you.” He grimaced, that wasn’t much better. “I mean, it’s interesting.” Tugging on an earlobe he mentally kicked himself. He just called his CO gorgeous. That broke so many rules, so many protocols. “I’ve, uh,” he coughed again, “never seen a Cathar with a curly mane before.”

She was silent, he could see her staring at him curiously in his peripherals. The silence stretching on. 

“It’s from my Bothan grandmother.” Rin finally said, looking away from him, sweeping her mass of curls over her shoulder.

Mint. The pervading, tantalizing scent of mint filled the air, wafting over him, setting his senses ablaze. Nose twitching, Aric swallowed, closed his eyes and prayed to whatever controlled the universe that he would suddenly develop an intense, immediate loathing to the smell of mint. 

“Bothan grandmother?” Did his voice sound strangled? It did to his own ears.

He was such an idiot. He called his boss gorgeous and was now not so subtly sniffing the air in the apartment.

She was in the kitchen now, he walked towards the window, hoping to put as much distance between them as possible without leaving.

“Yeah. On my mother’s side. It’s the reason for my freakishly long ears and my curly mane.” She paused. “You really think it’s gorgeous?”

“Yes.” Wrought from him due to his hatred of lying. He really, truly did.

“Thank you.” She was silent again. “Thanks for the food as well, Jorgan. Good night.”

“Good night, boss.” Aric learned early on that calling Rin ‘sir’ made her very uncomfortable and could easily provoke a panic attack.

He heard Rin head into her room and close the door.

Growling, he banged his head on the window. “Great, now you just showed her you’re like every other male Cathar, only noticing her looks. What a karking moron. Days of building fragile trust and you ruined it by calling her gorgeous.” he grumbled in annoyance. “Calling her mane gorgeous.” He corrected himself stubbornly. But who was he kidding? She was gorgeous; he just didn’t realize it until this exact moment. She was gorgeous and she smelled fantastic even without the tantalizing scent of her mint shampoo….. 

He ran his hands over his face after he slammed his head into the window hard enough to possibly bruise. “I got this. I can do this.” Rubbing his hands down his face again, he gazed at his reflection, searching his own eyes. Who was he kidding? He didn’t have this. In no way, shape, or form did he have a clue, an inkling of what to do. This was going to be a disaster. An unmitigated, unavoidable disaster.


	13. Chapter 13

Aric didn’t realize how short Rin was until he saw her fully armored. Normally, full body armor makes a person bulk up. With his CO, it was the opposite. She seemed smaller, shorter in her black and white armor; the massive assault cannon slung on her back not helping.

Seeing her fully armored for the first time, including the helmet obscuring her features, he wondered how she fit her mass of mane into her helmet. The braided mess didn’t seem like a style that would lend itself to fitting inside a helmet.

He frowned at her through his helmet’s visor, looking for any sign that her mane was tangled up in the fastenings that attached the helmet to the neck armor. He wasn’t sure he would be able to tell. The black and white of the armor matched the black and white of her mane.

Her curly mane. Her curly, gorgeous mane that hung down almost to…..

Aric balled his fists, growling at himself.

Not good.

Definitely not good.

“Jorgan?” Rin’s voice sounded strange through the comms in their helmets.

“I’m fine, boss. Just remembered how much I hate corrupt politicians.” His voice was strangled, raspy.

Rin nodded. “It’s amazing, that doesn’t change no matter where you go in the galaxy. Corrupt people are still in charge.”

Aric grunted in agreement. As much as he usually liked to think the Republic was less corrupt now, he wasn’t so sure. Not after what the Brass did.

“Krel is this way?” Rin hesitantly asked.

Another problem, Aric realized, completely separate from him discovering his CO was attractive was that she would still defer to him as if he was her superior. 

“Correct.” Aric had tried to refrain from giving her directions or orders; only saying ‘correct’ or ‘incorrect’. 

Then again, she had fairly straightforward orders from Garza. Aric wasn’t sure what would happen if Garza ever ordered Rin to do what Rin thought was best.

Rin Ordo didn’t do well with ambiguous orders.

#

“Come in, Lieutenant.” General Garza popped up on Rin’s holo. “I want you to move immediately and destroy the cyborgs that Krel created.”

Aric’s eyes widened in his helmet and glanced at Rin. A memory of her exhibiting reticence at killing those injured unarmed separatists on Ord Mantell flashed through his mind. 

Rin was frozen. She didn’t appear to be breathing.

“We need to deal with them now, before they can disappear into the normal population.”

Garza continued. “These situations are never easy - these people did not choose to be what they now are. But many more lives are at stake. You have to eliminate Krel’s creations.”

Aric could only guess at Rin’s expression. He hadn’t seen her expression while she was in Manette Point and he couldn’t see her expression now, but he could scent her. And she was angry.

“We can’t know for sure if Krel was telling the truth, sir.” Rin spoke quietly but firmly.

“Whether Krel was bluffing or not, these cyborgs are a risk we cannot allow.” Garza narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “I’m giving you the kill order, Lieutenant. I take full responsibility for the consequences. Now get it done.” Garza ended the call.

Aric glanced back at Rin. It was impossible to tell her expression, but her scent, her scent was a maelstrom of anger and disappointment.

“Killing these people is wrong.” She murmured to herself.

“This is a waste of time. We should be going after the traitors, not gunning people down just because some madman said they’re dangerous.” Aric grumbled.

Rin turned to face him, and he could see his helmet’s reflection in her visor.

And he steeled himself for the inevitable. He knew, felt it within his bones that Rin wanted to disobey Garza because Garza was wrong.

But the Rin he knew wouldn’t do it, she would never disobey a direct order. 

So now she was looking to _him_ , her figure of authority -as laughable as that idea was, as reality was he was her subordinate- for an order, for guidance, for an idea, for direction, for _something;_ anything as long as she didn’t have to follow Garza’s order.

And it hurt. It hurt Aric that her need to obey a male Cathar, her belief that male Cathar were allowed to control her every action was so ingrained into her psyche that she looked at him for permission to do what she felt was right.

“Boss,” he spoke softly, he couldn’t give her an order, even if he wanted to. If it was discovered that Aric was the one leading Havoc through orders, it’d open wide a door of a massive shit-storm that he wasn’t sure Rin would survive. “Do what you feel is right.”

An order that wasn’t an order.

Rin tilted her head to the side before slowly nodding, “I’m not going to murder these people. I don’t care what Garza says.”

“Whatever you’re going to do, do it quickly.” He watched as Rin spurred into action, dashing over to the door.

Sighing and hanging his head, he realized he gave an order for her to be quick. This was….

He was already exhausted. 

Slowly. Slowly. He had to go slowly. And clearly think about his words before he spoke them.

Although, the looks of confusion on the victims’ faces as Rin spoke three times her normal rate was slightly hilarious. He felt the corner of his mouth quirk up. 

Wow. She took orders too literally.

That was adorable and hilarious.

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

Rin frowned at herself in the refresher mirror. Her mane hung loose about her shoulders, her arms paused halfway up, her hands almost in her mane. 

While Garza was still compiling intelligence and areas for Havoc missions, Rin was hiding in a Senate Tower refresher. One look at the woman and she knew Garza was not happy about her letting the cyborgs free.

That’s why Rin excused herself; to hurry away and try and gather her thoughts, compose herself, and -more importantly- think of a possible lie. Garza would never accept the truth, Rin knew it. 

Rin couldn’t kill innocents. She couldn’t kill people that weren’t trying to kill her.

To help think of an excuse, she decided to rebraid her mane. But now that it was down and hung in messy ringlets over her shoulders, she couldn’t help but remember that Aric called it gorgeous.

She touched the alabaster streak in her mane reverently. Aric called her mane _gorgeous_. 

She grinned at herself. No part of her had ever been called anything even resembling attractive --and for her mane to be called gorgeous by her stern and taciturn companion was…..

She felt a warmth blooming in her chest at the thought.

Maybe she wasn’t as hideous as she thought. 

She’d only ever been called fascinating. The color of her eyes, her Vitiligo, her ears. Fascinating the way her genetics meshed, melded together to produce her.

But never once gorgeous.

A small smile graced her lips, her fingers running through her mane. A part of her was gorgeous.

A loud knock on the refresher door jolted her out of her thoughts.

“Boss?” It was Aric.

“Just a minute!” she called back.

She studied herself in the mirror again. She couldn’t go out with her mane down, but she didn’t have time to braid it. Sighing, she styled her hair in her typical sloppy bun. It would still work under her helmet if needed.

“Jorgan?” she opened the refresher to look into the eyes of the man that gave her her very first compliment.

She wasn’t sure how she felt. Aric was a male Cathar. She still tensed if he moved too quickly, she still expected him to hurt her, abuse her in some way. But she wanted to trust him. 

“Ready?” he asked, handing her her helmet.

She jerked her chin once. 

She found herself studying the older man out of the corner of her eye as they walked towards Garza’s office.

  
  
  



End file.
